It’s my birthday! I used to have really lofty birthday goals about being a calmer, kinder, better person….and then I dealt with my anxiety and while I’m not sure I’m morally better, I am definitely easier to be around. So for this year, I just want to channel this capybara (and maybe get better at pushups).
It’s Matt’s birthday today! The “doesn’t like to be the center of attention” stuff I posted about Altair on Monday definitely applies to him; this is our ninth round of birthdays together and I’ve finally learned that a cake is more than enough for him. (He, on the other hand, immediately got that birthdays were a big deal to me and has done a whiskey tour and a roller skate party and takes the day off and just generally makes it special.)
And of course he makes it special and of course he immediately gets things–he is the most understanding and generous person I’ve met. He checks in with his friends daily and texts my own sister-in-law more than I probably do. He spends an evening a week with his parents just as an on-call handyman and IT department. And he actively works to be open-minded, to see issues from all sides, and to find common ground with people who hold radically different views.
I literally can’t imagine life without him: I know I wouldn’t be in therapy or have dealt with my anxiety without his example. I wouldn’t have the presence of such a gentle, delightful, surprising person and I wouldn’t have someone quietly trying to be better to remind me to do the same.
Happy birthday, honey. I love you and I’m so glad I met you.
It’s my sister-in-law’s birthday today! I grew up with a brother–and in general my family isn’t great at normal relationships–so I still sometimes have moments of, “Is this how you interact with a sister-in-law?”, even after all these years. But then I text her out of the blue with something like, “Do you want to take a flower arranging class?” and she replies immediately and signs up and I think, “Oh yeah, she’s family. This isn’t hard.”
And Altair makes it easy. I know astrology isn’t real, but there’s something to be said for archetypes: She and Doc have birthdays four days apart and they share so many excellent traits. Neither of them want to be the center of attention, but they’re just out there quietly doing the right thing and building community. Altair works to make the world a better place for her son; she’s creative; and she’s understanding.
I’m grateful she’s part of the family, even if my own brain makes it harder than it should be sometimes. Happy birthday! We love you.
It’s my big brother’s birthday today and, as you can tell from the card I unearthed from one of my mom’s quilt books, I’ve always looked up to him. (I loved those owl postcards; I remember my mom not wanting to dole them out just to get scribbled on, so clearly using one I wheedled from her to wish my brother “ha-ppy bthbay” was a big deal.)
I try to talk about my loved ones as whole people here in their birthday posts, and every person contains multitudes. Like my brother: Generous with neighbors but proud of his self-sufficiency. Deeply loving and protective but also teased me growing up (like any older sibling). Worried about the state of the world, worried about his family, but still delighting in nature, in human feats of engineering, in just being alive.
He’s a good man, a good dad, and a good family member and I’m proud to not only know him but be related to him. Ha-ppy bthbay, Alan!
I said I wouldn’t post this week, but I had to do a Family Birthday Post for my dad, who turns 75 (!) today. I think in the Before Times, when my mom was alive, I’d have written about how strong he is, how determined, how he can still do feats of strength and stays so active.
But now, I can only think how brave he is. And brave is different from strong: Brave is knowing that your life has unalterably changed and still showing up for it. Brave is finding things to enjoy in spite of it all. Brave is being able to be open and generous with your family when everything hurts. Brave is even…talking about your feelings. (I jest! But not really!)
So happy birthday to my dad, who is both strong and brave. I love you!
SOMEONE is ELEVEN tomorrow, which is so much closer to “driving a car” than it was to “toddler,” omg.
I was looking through old pictures for this post and as much as he was a delight as a baby, he’s exponentially more of a delight now as a young adult: Still happy, still scary-smart, still wanting to track everything down to the final “why”…but also gracious and generous and quick to make sure you don’t feel embarrassed or excluded.
I love how that open, waiting look he does has been around since he was little.It kind of sums him up: Direct, patient, ready to let you in on the joke or explain a fact.
Happy birthday, Bubbs! We love you.
My mom would have been 74 today. This picture is from six years ago when we went to the Thanksgiving Point gardens for the first time. It was such a magical day–the weather was perfect, the spring bulbs were in full bloom, and we explored and explored.
I have a bouquet of hyacinths on the table today for her. It rained in the night and she would have loved that, gloating about how green her garden would be. I still think about the Cheryl Strayed letter I posted last year on her birthday: “How lucky I am to have been her daughter. To still be. To feel her shimmering in my bones with every step.”
Happy birthday, Mom. We miss you.
It’s my Douglas Adams birthday today. I remember in years past I would do “birthday resolutions,” like some phrase would help me be my best self all year. I’m really glad I know now that what helps me be my best self is therapy, medication, and gym endorphins.
So no catchphrase for the year ahead, just grateful I found what works, grateful that my loved ones have made it through nearly two years of pandemic, grateful for the relationships I’ve worked hard for–and grateful for another year.
It’s Doc’s birthday today! Look at this man that I was lucky enough to meet and even luckier to get to spend nearly 8 years learning about and loving:
He is the safest person I know, and I’m not the only one who feels that way: coworkers confide in him, his niece and nephew ask his advice about things they wouldn’t ask their parents, friends count on him checking in. He’s an ally to anyone on the outside and he will call people out when he sees them being shitty to someone vulnerable.
He’s taught me so much about being open and actually communicating in a relationship. (I mean, I’m still learning, but he’s willing to let me learn.) He has great taste in fabric, wears clothes so well, and has the slyest, quickest sense of humor I’ve ever encountered. I just feel lucky every day that I get to spend time with him. Happy birthday, honey! I love you.
It’s my sister-in-law’s birthday Sunday! She is so steady and just does the right thing without talking about it, so I wanted to talk about it instead.
She takes mentoring seriously at her job–I think (like me) she just didn’t have any senior woman to help her out when she was starting her career, so now that she’s the senior woman, she makes time to talk to groups and help her direct report. She’s done such a good job building relationships that her direct report joined us for Thanksgiving, and it was really nice to see the easy trust between them.
After Trump was elected, she got involved at the local level with government, volunteering to be on a sustainability board for her city. She’s going to grad school (again!) and her project is about using automation to help reduce water usage. She’s cut out single-use plastic at home. She treats all of these commitments–big and little–as just how things are. No big deal.
I can get so wound up about the state of the world that I feel paralyzed to do anything, but she sees something to change and quietly digs in. I love that Skyler has that example and I love her and her willingness to do the hard, right things. Happy birthday, Altair!