birthdays

It’s my big brother’s birthday today and, as you can tell from the card I unearthed from one of my mom’s quilt books, I’ve always looked up to him. (I loved those owl postcards; I remember my mom not wanting to dole them out just to get scribbled on, so clearly using one I wheedled from her to wish my brother “ha-ppy bthbay” was a big deal.)

I try to talk about my loved ones as whole people here in their birthday posts, and every person contains multitudes. Like my brother: Generous with neighbors but proud of his self-sufficiency. Deeply loving and protective but also teased me growing up (like any older sibling). Worried about the state of the world, worried about his family, but still delighting in nature, in human feats of engineering, in just being alive.

He’s a good man, a good dad, and a good family member and I’m proud to not only know him but be related to him. Ha-ppy bthbay, Alan!

I said I wouldn’t post this week, but I had to do a Family Birthday Post for my dad, who turns 75 (!) today. I think in the Before Times, when my mom was alive, I’d have written about how strong he is, how determined, how he can still do feats of strength and stays so active.

But now, I can only think how brave he is. And brave is different from strong: Brave is knowing that your life has unalterably changed and still showing up for it. Brave is finding things to enjoy in spite of it all. Brave is being able to be open and generous with your family when everything hurts. Brave is even…talking about your feelings. (I jest! But not really!)

So happy birthday to my dad, who is both strong and brave. I love you!

My mom would have been 74 today. This picture is from six years ago when we went to the Thanksgiving Point gardens for the first time. It was such a magical day–the weather was perfect, the spring bulbs were in full bloom, and we explored and explored.

I have a bouquet of hyacinths on the table today for her. It rained in the night and she would have loved that, gloating about how green her garden would be. I still think about the Cheryl Strayed letter I posted last year on her birthday: “How lucky I am to have been her daughter. To still be. To feel her shimmering in my bones with every step.”

Happy birthday, Mom. We miss you.

It’s my Douglas Adams birthday today. I remember in years past I would do “birthday resolutions,” like some phrase would help me be my best self all year. I’m really glad I know now that what helps me be my best self is therapy, medication, and gym endorphins.

So no catchphrase for the year ahead, just grateful I found what works, grateful that my loved ones have made it through nearly two years of pandemic, grateful for the relationships I’ve worked hard for–and grateful for another year.

It’s Doc’s birthday today! Look at this man that I was lucky enough to meet and even luckier to get to spend nearly 8 years learning about and loving:

He is the safest person I know, and I’m not the only one who feels that way: coworkers confide in him, his niece and nephew ask his advice about things they wouldn’t ask their parents, friends count on him checking in. He’s an ally to anyone on the outside and he will call people out when he sees them being shitty to someone vulnerable.

He’s taught me so much about being open and actually communicating in a relationship. (I mean, I’m still learning, but he’s willing to let me learn.) He has great taste in fabric, wears clothes so well, and has the slyest, quickest sense of humor I’ve ever encountered. I just feel lucky every day that I get to spend time with him. Happy birthday, honey! I love you.

It’s my sister-in-law’s birthday Sunday! She is so steady and just does the right thing without talking about it, so I wanted to talk about it instead.

She takes mentoring seriously at her job–I think (like me) she just didn’t have any senior woman to help her out when she was starting her career, so now that she’s the senior woman, she makes time to talk to groups and help her direct report. She’s done such a good job building relationships that her direct report joined us for Thanksgiving, and it was really nice to see the easy trust between them.

After Trump was elected, she got involved at the local level with government, volunteering to be on a sustainability board for her city. She’s going to grad school (again!) and her project is about using automation to help reduce water usage. She’s cut out single-use plastic at home. She treats all of these commitments–big and little–as just how things are. No big deal.

I can get so wound up about the state of the world that I feel paralyzed to do anything, but she sees something to change and quietly digs in. I love that Skyler has that example and I love her and her willingness to do the hard, right things. Happy birthday, Altair!

My big brother is 45 today! (But you wouldn’t know it to look at him–he got our dad’s “don’t show your age” genes [I did not].)

I’m so proud of him for holding it together for the pandemic and homeschooling Skyler for a full year. I didn’t realize what a toll that was taking until Skyler started school this year, and the difference in both my brother’s and my nephew’s happiness is obvious. Alan made a hard choice to keep his kid safe; he committed to it; and he did it well, even though every day must have been a struggle.

That kind of sums him up: He commits to something and he does it no matter what, whether that’s being married or feeding his family or helping his neighbors. He’s so generous with his time and good at so many things–a true polymath with an engineer’s brain.

I know Mom would be proud of him and how he’s handled a hard few years, and we are too. Happy birthday, Alan! I love you.

My dad is turning 74 over the weekend so he gets a birthday post today. These kind of just bubble up on the morning of the post, so today I’m thinking about what he’s facing and how brave he is.

He’s been on his own for 2.5 years now, after two-thirds of a life spent with my mom. At times, I’m pretty sure he’s getting by on sheer stubbornness because giving up wouldn’t be “the cowboy way,” but he’s so brave. Every day must be hard; every day he just…does what needs to be done.

He’s facing a potential eye surgery right now and has been going to appointments and trying to make the decision without having that partner to talk things through with. It sounds unthinkably hard to try to do that alone.

So I guess I want to use this quasi-public forum to remind my dad that he’s not alone, that he has a support group–one he made, literally. Family can’t replace the partnership of a spouse, but we can help you with the things that take two people. We can’t cure your loneliness, but we’re here for you and we love you.

My nephew is TEN today!

He is such a delight to know–sensitive, determined, curious, and so, so smart. (Seriously, smarter than the adults sometimes.) He loves model trains and chess and Legos and he and I have all sorts of fun with feats of strength on the playground.

I can’t imagine our family without him. I know my mom was so thrilled to to finally be a grandma; my dad has spent the last ten years thinking of ways to be literally the best grandpa ever. Skyler has made my brother and sister-in-law have become parents, with the patience and perseverance and love that that entails.  And me? I get to be his auntie, with the video games and the attitude of, “Sure, why not get in the stream?” which is pretty much the best.

Every time we hang out, I learn something new and every time I look at him, seeing the baby mixed in with the pre-teen now (!),  I’m struck all over again by how amazing it is that he exists.

Happy birthday, Bubbs. I love you so much!