Friday Links

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1. It has been a WEEK: There were layoffs at work, my gym schedule is interrupted, I’m not sleeping well, we have extremely bold rats under the front porch,  etc. etc. Looking forward to a workout tomorrow.

 

2. I came across this Jung quote yesterday and, based on the work I’ve been doing in therapy versus my past attempts to feel better with yoga or Zen quotes, I can say it is 100% accurate:

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.”

Happy Birthday To My Dad

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This birthday appreciation post is tricky to write, because I know my dad will say, “I don’t need any special sympathy. Other people go through this, too.” But I want to tell the world how strong he is and how much I admire him for what he did for Mom.

We all helped with Mom’s illness but he was the one who had to carry the most, do the most, be the strongest for the longest time. He was at Mom’s side every minute. He handled appointments and pill schedules and injections and talked about making it to their 50th wedding anniversary. I don’t think “devotion” even begins to cover it; I can only hope I’ll be able to show (and receive) that kind of love.

Now he’s doing grocery shopping and pruning Mom’s roses and just…keeping going. The endurance required to do that in the smoking crater of his old life just staggers me.

He would always say to Mom during chemo, “You’re the strongest woman I know. You can do this.” In many ways, what he’s doing now requires even more strength. I always knew my dad was strong, but I didn’t know he was this strong.

Happy birthday, Dad. I love you.

Not only is he enduring, he’s finding some little things to enjoy: He’s getting into programming and running model trains.

 

 

 

Wednesday Poem

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This one, to me, is an analogy for living with grief. But the nice thing about poems is they can be all things to all people.

Things to Do in the Belly of the Whale

by Dan Albergotti

Measure the walls. Count the ribs. Notch the long days.
Look up for blue sky through the spout. Make small fires
with the broken hulls of fishing boats. Practice smoke signals.
Call old friends, and listen for echoes of distant voices.
Organize your calendar. Dream of the beach. Look each way
for the dim glow of light. Work on your reports. Review
each of your life’s ten million choices. Endure moments
of self-loathing. Find the evidence of those before you.
Destroy it. Try to be very quiet, and listen for the sound
of gears and moving water. Listen for the sound of your heart.
Be thankful that you are here, swallowed with all hope,
where you can rest and wait. Be nostalgic. Think of all
the things you did and could have done. Remember
treading water in the center of the still night sea, your toes
pointing again and again down, down into the black depths.

Mole Visits The River

By in children's literature, nature, weekend report No Comments

Instead of a hike, we went wading yesterday. I’m not a great swimmer and have no desire to become one, but rivers (or creeks, in this case) have my heart. Let me stick my feet in one and see the hidden banks and suddenly I’m thinking of becoming a river guide and breaking out The Wind in the Willows quotes:

Never in his life had he seen a river before—this sleek, sinuous, full-bodied animal, chasing and chuckling, gripping things with a gurgle and leaving them with a laugh, to fling itself on fresh playmates that shook themselves free, and were caught and held again. All was a-shake and a-shiver—glints and gleams and sparkles, rustle and swirl, chatter and bubble. The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated.

A happy Mole, “bewitched, entranced, fascinated.”

 

Friday Links

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1. I had no idea Maurice Sendak did set and costume design for opera and ballet in the latter part of his career. Some of his sketches and obejcts will be on view at the Morgan Library in NYC until October 6th–it looks wonderful.

Maurice Sendak, Design for Temple of the Sun, finale II (The Magic Flute), 1979-1980. © The Maurice Sendak Foundation.

 
2. This has been making the rounds, for good reason: Whole 60, or Laura Lippman talking about finally, at age 60, deciding she looks just fine.

I recently listened to an NPR show — NPR! — with a series of punchlines about granny panties, Angela Lansbury, and what was intended to be a gross-out image of an old woman in a crotchless thong. Every day, everywhere I go, the culture is keen to remind me how repulsive I am.

I thump the culture on the chest, push back and say one of the most infuriating things a woman can ever say: Actually, I like the way I look.

(The essay also includes this brilliant aside, to ponder for your weekend: “What would happen to the global economy if all the women on the planet suddenly decided: I don’t care if you think I’m fuckable”)

Doing This

By in money

From Buzzfeed (I know), here’s a story about a woman who paid off student debt by getting a higher-paying job. Buzzfeed focuses on the amount of debt and the video the woman made to celebrate paying it off, but her method of knowing what to ask for after she realized her current job underpaid her is genius:

I went to work the next day and decided to talk to one of my white male coworkers. I said, “Hey, so what are you making?” He, being a normal American person, was like, “Oh, I don’t want to talk about money.” So I was like, “OK, I’m going to give you a number and I want you to tell me if you make over or under that number.” And I said a solid six figure number. And he said, “Under.” I went down by $10,000. He was like, “Over.” And that was all I needed. […] I blasted dozens — and I’m talking dozens — of people [on LinkedIn] with the same email, saying, “Hey, I’m looking to make a career jump into one of the big tech companies, and I just want to know what you’re making. Can you just tell me, are making over or under X?”

With that info, she was able to interview and negotiate into a new job that gave her a salary jump of 41%. As she puts it at the end of the interview:

There’s a burden that we carry by not sharing what we’re making with each other. It perpetuates this idea that it’s all up to you to figure out how much you should be making, when really you are working for a series of employers who have pay bands, or salary caps, or freelance amounts set by what people are willing to work for. All that the secrecy has done is put the burden — and the shame — on the individual. The only way to circumnavigate that fucking capitalist bullshit, which is built on secrecy, is by having these incredibly uncomfortable conversations.

This is what privilege is — to have a casual conversation with gatekeepers. I was always jealous of friends whose parents were able to set them up for a coffee, an email, or a phone conversation with these people, because it’s those things that give you not only a network, but a spectrum of what you’re worth. That is what I think so many people do not have access to, and that’s one of the reasons why I am vociferous about talking about this.

 

 

Playing Hooky

By in nature

Doc had yesterday off, so I took it off too and we finally went up to my favorite lake and spent an afternoon there. I’m trying to “throw the comb away” about summer winding down, but that “hurry and do all the things!” feeling is strong, so I’m glad we were able to get to the lake–especially since we’ve talked about it for two years.

Tuesday Project Roundup: Skirt-Pants!

By in sewing, Tuesday Project Roundup

Culottes (they’re back!) are really the mullet of the fashion world: Business when you stand…

…and party when you move!

These are the Winslow Culottes in polyester chiffon from Blackbird Fabrics. They’re the first project I made on the new machine and this fabric (plus a poly lining) did not faze it at all. I mean, look at the PERFECT tension on this machine-stitched blind hem!

The pattern itself is nicely drafted, with really detailed instructions that give a nice finish–great for ambitious beginners. However, I went up a size because I was concerned about waist measurements and they’re a hair too big, so my recommendation is to stick with your body measurements, not the finished garment measurements.

I loved wearing these; the wide legs are so glamorous and they’re truly the best of both the pant and skirt worlds. I think there will be more fashion mullets in my future.

It’s Monday

By in Toby

May you claim it with the confidence and comfort of  Toby claiming the packaging from the new Bernina and discovering it has a cutout for his tail:

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