Category: birthdays

It’s my big brother’s birthday today and he is 47?! How does this happen? How is it thirty years ago that we were watching MTV and MASH together?

Ever since I read that Heather Havriliesky essay about showing up for your loved ones, I’ve been thinking about how that translates to my family, how my brother and I used to hang out so much and how now our goals from any interaction can be so different (spoiler: my goals almost always are to talk feelings).

But what matters is showing up, and when I show up I see the human I was raised with, who knows 40 years of in jokes and exactly how I think. I see a good guy, utterly convinced about right and wrong, fascinated by the world, unflinching about the pain that’s part of the world, and able to do a really good impression of Beavis.

I see my brother, and I love him. Happy birthday, Alan!

 

Happy 76th birthday to the toughest cowboy I know, my dad. How tough is he?

He was hit by a car while riding his bike earlier this year and, from his landing spot on the ground, told the driver, “I’m OK, stop screaming!”

He keeps up the yard, keeps up the house, keeps himself fed, and just keeps going, even though it would all be so much easier with two people.

He endures my desire to talk about feelings at every opportunity, even though it’s often in direct conflict to his desire to only talk about Things That Are Good.

He’s the glue of the family and such an influence on me and my brother and Skyler. If I’m a craftsman, I learned from him. If I take pride in my non-hobby work–even though we need to throw the bosses off our back–I learned it from him. Hell, I learned all the union songs from him, too.

So happy birthday, Dad. We’re love you, we’re glad you’re alive, and remember:

 

My nephew is turning 12 on Sunday. Twelve! What a privilege to get to know this delightful person over the last 12 years. As you can tell from the pics, he loves to be outside. He loves water, too (that second pic is from last summer on our way to paddle board in the lake).

He’s so curious; every time we hang out I get asked a question I really have to think about to answer. Like his dad, he has an amazing breadth of knowledge across different subjects. Like all almost-teenagers, he’s discovering sarcasm, but he’s still so gentle and thoughtful. He’s a leader at school and just an exceptional human. We’re so lucky to spend time with him.

Happy birthday, Skyler! We love you.

It’s my birthday! I used to have really lofty birthday goals about being a calmer, kinder, better person….and then I dealt with my anxiety and while I’m not sure I’m morally better, I am definitely easier to be around. So for this year, I just want to channel this capybara (and maybe get better at pushups).

It’s Matt’s birthday today! The “doesn’t like to be the center of attention” stuff I posted about Altair on Monday definitely applies to him; this is our ninth round of birthdays together and I’ve finally learned that a cake is more than enough for him. (He, on the other hand, immediately got that birthdays were a big deal to me and has done a whiskey tour and a roller skate party and takes the day off and just generally makes it special.)

And of course he makes it special and of course he immediately gets things–he is the most understanding and generous person I’ve met. He checks in with his friends daily and texts my own sister-in-law more than I probably do. He spends an evening a week with his parents just as an on-call handyman and IT department. And he actively works to be open-minded, to see issues from all sides, and to find common ground with people who hold radically different views.

I literally can’t imagine life without him: I know I wouldn’t be in therapy or have dealt with my anxiety without his example. I wouldn’t have the presence of such a gentle, delightful, surprising person and I wouldn’t have someone quietly trying to be better to remind me to do the same.

Happy birthday, honey. I love you and I’m so glad I met you.

It’s my sister-in-law’s birthday today! I grew up with a brother–and in general my family isn’t great at normal relationships–so I still sometimes have moments of, “Is this how you interact with a sister-in-law?”, even after all these years. But then I text her out of the blue with something like, “Do you want to take a flower arranging class?” and she replies immediately and signs up and I think, “Oh yeah, she’s family. This isn’t hard.”

And Altair makes it easy. I know astrology isn’t real, but there’s something to be said for archetypes: She and Doc have birthdays four days apart and they share so many excellent traits. Neither of them want to be the center of attention, but they’re just out there quietly doing the right thing and building community. Altair works to make the world a better place for her son; she’s creative; and she’s understanding.

I’m grateful she’s part of the family, even if my own brain makes it harder than it should be sometimes. Happy birthday! We love you.

It’s my big brother’s birthday today and, as you can tell from the card I unearthed from one of my mom’s quilt books, I’ve always looked up to him. (I loved those owl postcards; I remember my mom not wanting to dole them out just to get scribbled on, so clearly using one I wheedled from her to wish my brother “ha-ppy bthbay” was a big deal.)

I try to talk about my loved ones as whole people here in their birthday posts, and every person contains multitudes. Like my brother: Generous with neighbors but proud of his self-sufficiency. Deeply loving and protective but also teased me growing up (like any older sibling). Worried about the state of the world, worried about his family, but still delighting in nature, in human feats of engineering, in just being alive.

He’s a good man, a good dad, and a good family member and I’m proud to not only know him but be related to him. Ha-ppy bthbay, Alan!

I said I wouldn’t post this week, but I had to do a Family Birthday Post for my dad, who turns 75 (!) today. I think in the Before Times, when my mom was alive, I’d have written about how strong he is, how determined, how he can still do feats of strength and stays so active.

But now, I can only think how brave he is. And brave is different from strong: Brave is knowing that your life has unalterably changed and still showing up for it. Brave is finding things to enjoy in spite of it all. Brave is being able to be open and generous with your family when everything hurts. Brave is even…talking about your feelings. (I jest! But not really!)

So happy birthday to my dad, who is both strong and brave. I love you!

 

My mom would have been 74 today. This picture is from six years ago when we went to the Thanksgiving Point gardens for the first time. It was such a magical day–the weather was perfect, the spring bulbs were in full bloom, and we explored and explored.

I have a bouquet of hyacinths on the table today for her. It rained in the night and she would have loved that, gloating about how green her garden would be. I still think about the Cheryl Strayed letter I posted last year on her birthday: “How lucky I am to have been her daughter. To still be. To feel her shimmering in my bones with every step.”

Happy birthday, Mom. We miss you.