Better Living Through Literature
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As you read this, I am on my way to CLOSE on my HOUSE that I bought by MYSELF.
Up until yesterday afternoon, I was fully prepared to have everything implode (and then this would have happened), but the closing costs stayed as estimated, the mortgage insurance didn’t increase, and I ordered a cashiers check, the heavens opened, and I could only shout, like Elwood, “The house! The HOUSE!!”
Because YES! YES!! JESUS H. TAP DANCING CHRIST, I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!! I’M A HOMEOWNER!!
As it turns out, I am not closing today. Or Monday. I’m “probably closing next week.” (The appraisal, which came back MONDAY, did not have enough comparables to satisfy the mortgage insurance company, a fact which the loan officer didn’t notice until YESTERDAY.) I know I shouldn’t be surprised by more drama and misinformation and mendacity* with this house purchase, but, like Charlie Brown, I keep expecting it to be different.
On the bright side, it was supposed to snow this weekend anyway and now I have some more time to pack. With the delay, I may even have a real mailbox installed and waiting! Stay tuned!
*My gay best friend and I are having a good time quoting Tennessee Williams lines about “mendacity” to each other: “Mendacity is the system that we live in!” “What’s that smell? Didn’t you notice a powerful and obnoxious odor of mendacity in this room?” It’s a good time.
I had the inevitable moving meltdown last night: I ran out of boxes again (and still have all my books and most of my dishes to pack); I learned that I may not close on Friday as planned, which would give me just Monday to not only get into the new house but to get out of the apartment and clean it; and as of right now I still don’t have a mailbox at the new house–the builder insists that the postmaster isn’t returning his calls, but until the postmaster comes to the site and orders a mailbox, I don’t have a recognized address. Which means that I can’t update any billing information or get utilities turned on.
However–this is all temporary. I hate moving (and uncertainty) with the fiery intensity of a thousand white-hot suns, but I will find more boxes, most of my bills are online anyway, and if I have the weekend to pack, I won’t feel as rushed. I saw this image making the rounds on the lifestyle blogs, and you know what? Everything IS going to be amazing. I’m going to be a homeowner!
If you follow my Twitter stream you will know that there was more lender drama yesterday, which made me nearly inarticulate with fury (all-caps shouting of “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD” was about all I could manage). But I went to see the house last night and if I can ever get in, I will like living there.
Did I mention I have a basement? That comes already insulated?
And that I think I picked the best beige carpeting option from the six other beiges offered?
And that I have a place for a washer and a dryer? I think I will weep with joy when I do a load of laundry in my own house for the first time.
Until then, I just hope I don’t weep.
I didn’t want to turn the blog into “househousehousehouse,” but you know what? I’m buying a house! It’s exciting! So I’m going to blog about it.
As of Monday, I had countertops:
And carpet pads:
And someone’s jacket and hat:
As of today, I know I have carpet, and I think I’ll have appliances. I alternate between excitement and dread–of the move, of last-minute impediments or expenses, of bouncing around in the big fancy new house like a rat in a can. It’s mostly excitement, though.
(Pictures are from my parents, who have been up there more than I have. But I’ve been securing financing, and renewing my drivers license, and, you know, working so I can stay employed to make the mortgage payments.)
1. Look, I have kitchen cupboards! 
They’ve made so much progress! I don’t have a lender yet! Aaaaaaaaaaah!
2. I realized that my driver’s license expired on my birthday (the 3rd). Today’s the 14th. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
3. And finally, a new site that I love entitled “Things Real People Don’t Say About Advertising.” Here’s a sample of what people don’t say:
I went over to my new house this weekend and let myself in to check it out. In all the confusion of which model to get, I had only visited “mine” once and was having a hard time visualizing the layout–and after dealing with an awful mortgage broker last week, I wasn’t 100% convinced I needed to buy it at all, if it was going to be that difficult.
Well, I like my house. (And I’d better, because the construction deposit check has cleared.) There were birds in the trees outside and space for a garden and it was so! fancy! inside! Plus, it wasn’t drafty. Incredible!
Here is the kitchen half of the main floor. I think the kitchen goes in this week, which means I can finally get that sink out of my car.
And here’s looking down from the second floor (Toby is going to love these stairs.)
There’s even a real entryway, with an actual coat closet!
So in dealing with brokers this week, I just have to remember that it will be worth it. And that there’s no going back now.
I like to announce important things on a Wednesday in December, it seems, so here’s the big news for this year: I’m under contract to buy a house!
The search was long; the houses were many. I wondered if it was worth it. I wondered if I could go on. I was disappointed and then I was indecisive and then grim determination set in. In the last two weeks of wrangling over offers and addenda there have been innumerable setbacks, but I have emerged triumphant with a signed acceptance on new construction that is only nine blocks south of my desired area.
A new house! That’s still being built! That has no upstairs neighbors! That has two bathrooms and room for Toby and modern conveniences like an attached garage! And I am buying it for myself–no one is buying it for me, no one is buying it with me. It’s mine…
My own…
MY PRECIOUS!!!