February 2007

(Vacation starts in less than 24 hours, so this will be the last post until March.)

“A bug in my vermouth!”

That was said by me, to me. The roommate was asleep. Have I mentioned that I’m worried about living alone? (At least there was a bug and I didn’t imagine it. I guess it could always be worse.)

But maybe I can blame the cold meds for talking to myself. The crafting frenzy of the last three weeks would wear anyone out, but on top of it I had a work deadline and then ate only candy, essentially, for two days. So I caught a cold.

However, if I can make it to Friday I can board a plane (pretending I’m Lauren Bacall in To Have And Have Not! Or Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca! Can you tell I’ve been on a Bogart film kick!) and go to Hawaii, where I will sit on the beach and drink cocktails. With or without bugs, I don’t care.

February has been a very busy month, both good and bad. Between planning a move, planning a vacation, an AWOL not-so-significant-now other, a friend’s health issues, and oh yeah, shootings at the mall, there’s been a lot on my mind. So of course I cope by doing lots and lots of crafts.

I finished the cable scarf for my roommate (miles and miles of it) and then used my mad cabling skillz to make a pair of fingerless gloves for myself.

Because of the move, I don’t have any disposable income this month but wanted new things for the vacation. So I sewed two tops:

And a dress.
(The dress was really just a seam and a hem, since the top was already smocked. But it took a long time to hem.)

I will be meeting up with an acquaintance on vacation and I wanted to have a little something for her. So yesterday I finished this purple chenille flower-shape washcloth and bar of Chinese soap combo. (Because every elderly lady wants purple flower washcloths and Chinese soap.)

And oh my god, I’m tired just reading this post. Let’s hope I can put some of this energy towards putting stuff in boxes in two weeks.

As depressing as this week of posts may have been, I’m still optimistic about relationships–that in general they can be good, that I will learn more and more from them (Lesson 1: No crazies. Lesson 2: Make them be nice to you.), and that, if they do turn out terribly at the very least I will have more material for the novel.
I remain optimistic about candy, too.

So let’s all take this picture to heart–it’s not so bad.

“Hey, wow, someone brought in cookies! Look, the candy bowl in the break room is full! Ooh, we each got a one-pound box of See’s from the agency! Hello, one-pound box of See’s! Hello, deadline! My god, was that the most surreal Valentine’s day yet? Yes!!”

Is it? Hugs time? Please?

Any Valentine’s-Day-themed post needs at least a mention of my…um…suspect taste in men. When I was young(er), I would always fall for boys who were “cultured,” boys who liked French cuisine and Ayn Rand books and shopping, boys who were actors and modern dancers. To illustrate:

My first two boyfriends, right there.

Of course, I got older and decided I should only really fall for the ones who were unavailable, or crazy, or both. That was fun.

But there is something to be said for feeling things that intensely–even when they were intensely bad. I miss the feeling of having a crush on someone. I miss feeling: in the last few years, I’ve realized that anyone I want to start a relationship with will be (given my track record) either suspect, a crazy, or unavailable, emotionally or otherwise, so I don’t let myself get very excited about it.

But I have to remember this quote*:
“A lively understandable spirit once entertained you.
It will come again.
Be still.
Wait.”

*Theodore Roethke, “The Lost Son.” Not about romantic relationships at all. But still very good to quote. (That’s the nice thing about literature.)

Any Valentine’s-Day-themed post needs at least a mention of my…um…suspect taste in men. When I was young(er), I would always fall for boys who were “cultured,” boys who liked French cuisine and Ayn Rand books and shopping, boys who were actors and modern dancers. To illustrate:

My first two boyfriends, right there.

Of course, I got older and decided I should only really fall for the ones who were unavailable, or crazy, or both. That was fun.

But there is something to be said for feeling things that intensely–even when they were intensely bad. I miss the feeling of having a crush on someone. I miss feeling: in the last few years, I’ve realized that anyone I want to start a relationship with will be (given my track record) either suspect, a crazy, or unavailable, emotionally or otherwise, so I don’t let myself get very excited about it.

But I’m sure I’ll be full of feeling again, misguided and fabulous and exhausting. I have to remember this quote*:
“A lively understandable spirit once entertained you.
It will come again.
Be still.
Wait.”

*Theodore Roethke, “The Lost Son.” Not about romantic relationships at all. But still very good to quote. (That’s the nice thing about literature.)

(In celebration of Valentine’s Day, this week will have a loose theme on love and relationships. And candy. And, if I can pull it off, I’ll illustrate them all with CAT PICTURES. Oh yes.)

With the relationships I’ve had so far, I’ve always had a hard time reconciling what I wanted with what I actually got. I don’t know how much I can blame old movies and the J. Peterman catalog for this (I suspect it’s a lot), but I spend most of the time deciding that I want something unrealistic and then thinking I should hold out until I get it. (Dammit.) That’s the main reason why I prefer imaginary boyfriends.

Summed up visually:

(Subtitled, “I Hate Blogger So Much Because It Won’t Let Me Publish The Photo That Is The Whole Point Of This Post So Click HERE First And Then Come Back And Read The Post And Did I Mention I Really Hate Blogger?”)

Ahem. Seen the picture? Good. Now, you may be asking, “Why?” So may reasons, really:

1. Because my brother bought himself a four-wheeler a few weeks ago and will only call it “the wheeler.” This is hilarious to me.
2. Because this same brother’s cat Eddy rides with the brother in the car and on the John Deere riding lawn mower.
3. Because Eddy is being trained to ride on the wheeler. (“He can be the siren!”)
4. Because Eddy likes sitting on the wheeler and, I’m told, sniffing for coyote smells. Namely, “coyote wee.”
5. Because I told my brother that if he got a picture of Eddy on the wheeler I would put it on the blog and title the post “Coyote Wee.”
6. Because Wednesday was John Deere’s birthday.