This is a nice one (found on Instagram):

 

To The Spider In the Crevice/Behind The Toilet Door

i have left you four flies
three are in the freezer next to the joint of beef
the other is wrapped in christmas paper
tied with a pink ribbon
beside the ironing table in the hall
should you need to contact me
in an emergency
the number’s in the book
by the telephone.

p.s. i love you

– Janet Sutherland