I’ve been working on “taking up space” in therapy lately–i.e., not diminishing my needs or desires, setting boundaries, standing my ground on things that matter to me. Like anything in therapy, it’s hard work to change a lifetime of thinking: I’d better not make waves, this is close enough, it isn’t ladylike/accommodating/pleasant to be direct.
This forthcoming book by scholar Rachel Cote is on my radar, partly because of that excellent cover but mostly because it seems like a cultural exploration of everything I’m trying to work through:
From the first chapter:
Accordingly, when we tell a woman she is “too much,” it is…with a wagging finger and the intonations of a warning. Remember that you, and your desires, must be small—diminishing—preferably nonexistent. Ask only for that which you are invited to receive, which is to say, basically nothing.