Back on New Years Eve I posted that video of “JB style” skating and joked that maybe I should learn how to do that in 2018. Since it warmed up, skating has been at the back of my mind, hand-in-hand with my disco fever.

There was a glorious moment back in about 1979 when roller disco was popular enough to merit making B movies about it. I force the topic to come up in conversation just so I can share facts like, “Did you know Patrick Swayze made his film debut in Skatetown, USA as Ace Johnson, the leader of a skate gang? You can watch the whole movie on YouTube RIGHT NOW!”

Of course, there’s also Xanadu and Roller Boogie and my buddy dug up a whole other genre from about 10 years later of post-apocalyptic roller blading movies. (No, really.) Clearly I have been doing my skate research by watching all these films.

Can I even skate? Well, I could back in 1988 and I loved it. I skated down on the cement basement floor in the winter. I skated around the neighborhood in the summer. Going to the roller rink was magical. That same roller rink is still open and putting on disco nights on Saturdays.

So why haven’t I gone? Well, firstly I’m a little afraid that one whiff of the rink from my youth will force me to write a multi-volume novel about my past; and secondly, I’m afraid I will be like this:

(Props to my same friend for finding something that so perfectly matches my brain.)

But this is the summer of being brave, so maybe I’ll work up the nerve soon. I can always practice in my basement first.