I’d been doing better this week and last–the sun was shining, Toby’s ear was better, there was activewear fabric to buy–but yesterday morning, brushing my teeth, I was just overcome with grief over Mom. The last weeks were so horrible for her (and my dad); I relived all of it.

I pulled myself together to go to work. “That’s ok,” I thought. “You can take that pain and channel it at the gym and hit a new bench press weight.” But I couldn’t. I could barely make my old max and then it was another trip straight downhill on the griefcoaster.

There’s no getting off this ride; I know that. And from what I’ve read and been told, the suddenness of it is part of the deal. As for the gym, maybe it was overly optimistic to think I could max out just seven weeks after my mom died, I’d been eating mostly cookies, and was full of feelings.

I think this gif is going to be my new guide for the foreseeable future:

Just going about our lives is enough. Just keeping going, even when we’d rather get off the ride.