If you were a teenager in the mid- to late 90s, you will remember The Gap’s line of fragrances and body oils. Which is why “What Your Gap Fragrance Says About You” is such a delight, both for the nostalgia and the hilariously reductive summing up of the original scents. Also, it’s pretty accurate–I really liked “Grass” back when I thought I was buying “eight dollars worth of identity security,” and while I don’t have an Etsy iPhone cover, I was scared of both patchouli and department store salesladies and totally dabbled in Gender Studies.

To wit:


Smelling Notes: Freshly cut grass + slight hint of Pine-Sol.

Type of Girl: The aspiring hippie too scared of patchouli; the tomboy whose family keeps putting it in her Christmas stocking; the girl so afraid of the saleslady in the bra department that she keeps wearing cotton Jockey sports bras.

The Vibe: You understand fully that no one ever really wants to smell like grass, which is precisely why you buy it.

The Future: Small liberal arts college; dabblings in Gender Studies; organic seed catalogs; Etsy iPhone covers. There’s a decent chance you never bought another item at the Gap again.