So this was forwarded to me yesterday..I guess there’s high-school English teachers who submit their students’ bad writing to a sort of contest. I don’t know if that’s the case (or how mean-spirited the contest is), but I loved these:

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.