It was only a matter of time before people started making fun of The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. The book’s a translation from Japanese, so there’s a bit of a stiff cadence to it, and the concepts have a high “woo” factor for people not inclined to like a lot of woo with their organizing. Trust The Toast to create a hilarious parody of it. Some high points:

“Have you ever owned anything? This is why you cannot forgive any of your former lovers. Things like ‘having chairs’ is preventing you from living your best life, and also you should throw away any item of clothing you’re not currently wearing. If it’s not on your skin, you don’t really love it, do you?”

“Possessions are 100% fatal. Turtles don’t keep anything they can’t use, and they helped Charles Darwin discover the Galápagos Islands. Throw away all of your grandmother’s jewelry. Now she can sleep in peace.”

“Place every cloth napkin you own in a sacred circle on the cleanest table you own (tables should be either a rock from the sea or a book that is enchanted by one or fewer spells). If the napkin does not rise up of its own volition and perform a flawless Japanese tea ceremony for you, you were not meant to be. You should burn it, along with all of your professional regrets.”

It’s ok, Magic Tidying Book. I still believe in you, even if I can laugh at your parody.