(Very) tangentially related to the fabulous crane print fabric on yesterday’s wedding guest dress, here is a gorgeous essay by CJ Hauser titled “The Crane Wife.” It is just exquisite: talking about her broken engagement, what it means to want something, endangered cranes, even bad almost-mother-in-laws.
I had arrived in my thirties believing that to need things from others made you weak. I think this is true for lots of people but I think it is especially true for women. When men desire things they are “passionate.” When they feel they have not received something they need they are “deprived,” or even “emasculated,” and given permission for all sorts of behavior. But when a woman needs she is needy. She is meant to contain within her own self everything necessary to be happy.
That I wanted someone to articulate that they loved me, that they saw me, was a personal failing and I tried to overcome it.
(I’ve been going to therapy once a week for ten months now–but there are still moments, regularly, when I am gently reminded by my therapist that humans evolved to need other humans. Being “needy” isn’t bad; it’s normal)