Toby’s ear seems to be holding steady; the hematoma so far has not re-formed for a third time, which is great because recurring hematomas sometimes need surgery. However, his ear might stay permanently crinkled, just due to the nature of cat cartilage.
He clearly doesn’t mind, even though I have to get used to seeing him a little lopsided. It does make him look like a pirate cat:
(Photo by Doc, who could start a pet portraiture business any time.)
McSweeney’s delivers with the satire again, this time related to going back to the office after a loss and keeping it together:
Please Endorse Me on LinkedIn for “Good at Grieving”
Responded “good!” when a coworker asked me how I’m doing.
Responded “good!” when a different coworker asked me how I’m doing, and then when they clarified “no, but how are you really doing?” gave them enough information to make them feel important but not enough to actually give insight into the deep, emotionally shattering anguish I experience on a daily basis.
Dark cathartic humor aside, the end of the list is actually great–sometimes, it’s enough to just breathe. It’s enough to keep going for another day. We will be OK. Eventually.
I finished the sweater I talked about in December from the pattern company that’s taking over Instagram: The Moosonee Sweater by Good Night, Day. I LOVE it: it’s super-stylish, it worked out beautifully, and it didn’t take me exactly one year like my last sweater.
I used cheap yarn because I wasn’t sure I’d like the bulk of the sweater, but I do! I’m not sure how the Lion Brand will wear, but this was such an enjoyable knit I wouldn’t mind re-creating it in the future.
Because of my yarn choice, I went down a needle size so I added in a few extra stitches to account for that. I also made the turtleneck an inch shorter because I hate it when they brush my chin, but I think it throws off the designer’s perfect proportions a little bit. (Still love it, though.)
That’s two successful sweaters in a row for me now. Could it be that I…knit sweaters I actually want to wear now?
The sun was out all weekend and it really felt like this winter may not last forever. Blue skies, small blessings.
(Post title from “The Poems of Our Climate,” by our buddy Wallace Stevens.)
1. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t know singer Sam Cooke was murdered at the age of 33 until a couple of years ago. There’s a new episode in a Netflix music documentary series all about him–The Two Killings of Sam Cooke.
2. Austin Kleon continues to give us insight: What I say when I don’t know what to say.
3. Lord, grant me the confidence of this cat: Random Cat Crashes Fashion Show, Fights Models.
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I was on the hold list for this book for a long time and finally picked it up from the library last week. It’s fascinating!
Granted, I’m reading it with a certain sense of smugness–since I started lifting last summer, I’ve made sure to get eight hours of sleep a night (because sleep is when your muscles rebuild and grow, bro!)–but it makes me want to make sleep even more of a priority.
In other words:
(From my second favorite episode of Adventure Time ever. [“Thank You” is my first-favorite.])
It’s a good thing I didn’t resolve to not buy any new fabric this year, because it’s only February and I have three new cuts waiting to be sewn up. (In my defense, one is a gift and one was purchased with a gift card. So it’s like I only bought one new cut!)
I talked about making leggings last month and then I found this space-print spandex at JoAnn, where I had a gift card, so this purchase was really a no-brainer. Now I just need to start experimenting with flatlock finishes on my serger.
Doc and I don’t do a lot for Valentine’s Day. This year, I bought myself a lipstick with our joint account (romantic!) and asked if he wanted to buy himself something, have me surprise him, or pick out fabric for a new shirt. He picked “fabric” and I showed him a few options. I presented this Japanese cat print oxford as kind of a joke–I loved it but thought he wouldn’t go for it–and he said, “That’s the one. Buy it now!”
And finally, Blackbird Fabrics got some new prints in, which they teased on their Instagram. I saw this cheetah poly crepe and thought, “I need that” and got some before it sold out the next day. I ordered enough for a short-sleeve shirt and, while waiting for it to arrive, discovered the Perkins Shirt pattern from Ensemble Patterns. I think that will be a great match for these drapey cheetahs.
I didn’t realize until the cheetahs came and I put them next to Doc’s fabric in the “to sew” pile that we will have matching short-sleeve cat shirts.
We’re OK with that.
I thought I’d have a relaxing weekend to report, but instead I had to help a friend get a new washing machine in a hurry on Saturday, our plans to hike were snowed out Sunday, and Monday I took Toby to the vet again for his ear, which was a really bad experience all around. (His ear is “just” a hematoma, though; originally they thought they’d need to biopsy it if the lump came back. Small blessings, right?)
So I was a mess by yesterday night. I’m trying to figure out any kind of “self care” beyond the gym or online shopping, but it’s hard. Everything is hard and I just want to call my mom and tell her about all of it.
I was scrolling Instagram yesterday and saw this in the Words of Women account, from Louise Erdrich’s poem “Grief.” It stopped me in my tracks and made me cry again, but then it made me feel better. Of course things are hard; it’s only been a month since Mom died and I’m so worried about Toby. I can give myself some compassion; I can try to take care of myself–as if I were a lost child and we’re trying to get home.
1. I’m happy to report my toe is back to about 95%. Hooray for ibuprofen, rest, and sneakers.
2. Via Kottke, this is lovely and heartbreaking: “Closeness Lines Over Time,” by Olivia de Recat (buy it here).
3. And finally, you know I am here for writers being snarky and bossy and correct, so here’s Benjamin Dyer, Random House copy chief, telling you about ‘Close’ Proximity, ‘End’ Result, and More Redundant Words to Delete From Your Writing.
For Valentine’s Day, a poem by Ada Limón:
What I Didn’t Know Before
was how horses simply give birth to other
horses. Not a baby by any means, not
a creature of liminal spaces, but a four-legged
beast hellbent on walking, scrambling after
the mother. A horse gives way to another
horse and then suddenly there are two horses,
just like that. That’s how I loved you. You,
off the long train from Red Bank carrying
a coffee as big as your arm, a bag with two
computers swinging in it unwieldy at your
side. I remember we broke into laughter
when we saw each other. What was between
us wasn’t a fragile thing to be coddled, cooed
over. It came out fully formed, ready to run.