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The Eternal Struggle

Karen

As I’ve been cleaning out my sewing room and the basement, every little notion or big scrap of fabric or leftover building supply or piece of melamine-covered plywood has to get really CONSIDERED before I decide if I need to keep it or not.

Because the desire to have less stuff and have that stuff organized is directly in opposition to the desire to save something just in case you need that EXACT thing someday.

 

I’ve seen this happen more than once with my own dad (minus the rolling around on the floor in glee, of course). You never know when you might need that random thing!

Still Organizing

Karen

I stress-organized under the bathroom sinks a couple weeks ago when all of Doc’s car stuff was going down, then moved on to the basement after we decided to do a new car instead of moving. I’d just been dumping things onto shelves for a few years and hoping for the best, but I had to move the shelves to assess the plumbing rough-ins so everything came off and I sorted through it all.

I’m not sure how we ended up with FOUR camping air mattresses or five different sizes of insulated tote, but now I know where everything is and a contractor can get to the pipes. We even have a free neighborhood dumpster coming next Thursday to get rid of all the junk behind me in this picture, lol.

Change Of Plans!

Karen

Well, so much for trying to hold on to the idea that everything will be okay... Doc’s car had to get towed last week and we were waiting on a repair estimate, which came in over the weekend. It’s, uh, two to three times what his car is worth, so we’re going car shopping today.

We ended up agreeing that we have a house already but Doc doesn’t have a car, so let’s let that take priority and put the new house off for a few years. I was already worried about my job long-term and about upsetting Toby’s routine, so waiting just makes sense. (And honestly, the decision feels like someone canceling plans: Sure it was a fun thing you agreed to, but suddenly not having to do it? Hooray!)

Plus! We already secured a HELOC with a great interest rate to act as a down payment (so we wouldn’t have to show and sell the current house with Toby in it before we bought a new one; the things we do for our old man) so now we can use that to FINISH THE BASEMENT and I’ll be able to get a guest room after all.

This feels like the right decision but truly, everything that’s happened this summer has me like this:

 

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Putting Things In Order

Karen

As we look casually at houses, I’ve been thinking about new sewing room storage and furniture. Then I realized I could probably do something about what I don’t like NOW instead of waiting for a future that may or may not happen any time soon.

For example, this was the current state of my Kallax unit:
An IKEA 4-shelf unit with an overflowing storage box in each unit. On top, there are baskets and piles of fabric.

The serger thread lived in one of those broken down boxes and it was an ORDEAL to dig out 4 cones of a matching color:
A large storage box full of a tangled pile of serger thread cones in different colors.

 

So I got a base for the Kallax and two drawer inserts and some fresh storage boxes for the top and it’s so much nicer now.
The same IKEA 4 shelf unit. The top 2 boxes have been replaced with drawers. The bottom boxes are no longer overflowing. The clutter on the top has been cleaned up and put into 2 boxes.

Just look at this serger thread!
Serger thread cones organized into rainbow order and put into 2 pulluot drawers.

I also got some fresh inserts for the rest of the existing drawer units and sorted and rearranged all the different supplies:
Two desk drawers pulled out to see the organizers inside. In the top drawer are neat bundles of lingerie elastic. The bottom drawer holds bias tape cards organized by color.

the inside of a desk drawer with a desk organizer in it. There are spools of thread, pens, and post it notes put neatly into the organizer compartmetns.

This kept me busy all weekend and got me out of the house to IKEA (twice) so I think it’s a net win for my mental health, even if it is giving a little bit of, “Could a depressed person organize this?”

Fixing My Life One Ikea Box at a Time

Karen

“Hey Karen, why does organizing things make you so happy?”

Well, is there a more powerful visual metaphor than going from this…
The contents of a cupboard scattered on the floor. There are boxes upside down, piles of debris, and even a pair of red sandals.

…to this?
A dark wood cupboard with the doors open. Inside are white an orange boxes stacked neatly. Everything is precise and tidy.

The world may be chaos, I may have no control over my future employment, but by god I can PUT THINGS IN BOXES and LABEL THEM. So I did.

Cleaning, Coping

Karen

It was another long weekend of cleaning–we did the 21-day re-spray for bedbugs after vacuuming everything again and checking the baseboards and the closets. I’m feeling hopeful that chemical warfare did the trick!
Image of a coral upholstered headboard and frame pulled apart in a carpeted room.

 

But wow, everything still feels like such a struggle: the extra cleaning, the everyday living, the elderly cat, the future. Maybe this explains it?
A Tumblr post that reads: Me: I don't get it. I thought I was doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. I'm like 10 times more on top of things than I used to be. How does everything feel terrible now? The Tiny Me in OSHA-approved Hi-Vis Gear Who lives in my brain and pulls all the levers: Boss, it's the fascism. You're completely gunked up with cortisol due to the fact that your entire daily life is now underscored with a haunting awareness of the rapid erosion of your rights, dignity, and any and all social safety nets, and you're also bearing witness to the most vulnerable people immediately being persecuted. This creates a natural stress response that basically means you're going to continue having memory and organizational problems, as well as emotional imbalances. Me: BUT I HAVE A BULLET JOURNAL AND I MEDITATE NOW. Tiny OSHA Me: BOSS, THE FASCISM.

Thursday Links

Karen

It’s probably a long weekend for most people for the Fourth tomorrow. America, I’m sorry your party has been crashed by assholes. Hang in there (said to America and also to all of us).

1. Incredibly sobering read on the “immigration enforcement” budget in the spending bill:

America is about to fund and build a huge secret police force that will, I promise you, be used to attack and imprison and exile the president’s enemies, of all sorts. Better to look this fact square in the face than to continue to kid ourselves as long as possible as we march down the road to the gulags.

 

2. It’s funny cause it’s true:
Text reading, "It's a good thing Congress isn't alive to see this."

 

3. Maybe gorillas with helicopters can save us?
Text reading, "why is the president the only person testing the limits of his power? everyone should see what they can get away with. what if zookeepers gave helicopters to gorillas? nobody has tried this"

 

4. How being alive feels right now (“that’s awful”):

 

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A post shared by Lindsay 💜 (@lifewith__linz)

It Always Helps

Karen

This newsletter from Cheryl Strayed arrived this week as I was getting news about company layoffs (I’m not affected but I was RIGHT to be worried) and wow what a good reminder (emphasis mine):

Every time I’ve made or done something, I’ve felt better. It’s a fact I’ve returned to over and over again in these past months/years/decades in order to save myself or toss a lifeline to someone else. Action and creation are a salve, a balm, a cure.

Perhaps making and doing things is so powerful because in doing or making you break out of stasis. Even if only fleetingly, you get unstuck and, afterwards, have proof of that. Something exists because you made it. Something happened because you did it. You baked the cake and decorated it attentively and inexpertly. You showed up at the protest with longing in your heart and a smile on your face. You shot and edited the footage and now you’ve got a movie. You stitched the scraps of fabric together and ended up with a quilt. You put the seeds in the soil and eventually a flower bloomed. You put one foot in front of the other and then looked back and realized you’d covered all that ground on your own steam. Your troubles were not over. Your problems were not solved. But you had something. You did something. You could not deny that. You made it this far and making it this far meant you could keep going.

Keep up those hobbies, friends.