Sunday Night Conversations

My best friend is not the Outdoor Type, and because I’ve known him for 13 years he remembers when I wasn’t, either. So this was extra-hilarious to me:

Me: “I went up to Snowbird for yoga Saturday and near the top of the canyon I see something big climbing up the bank above the road and it has a bushy tan and gray tail and I realize it’s a coyote. I’ve never seen one in Utah before!”

Him: “Are you sure it wasn’t a raccoon?”

Me: “…”

Him: “I know you took your animal tracking class, but how can you be sure?”

 

Sunday Night Conversations, Part Whatever: The Zombie Apocalypse

My best friend and I were discussing current events and the rash of gruesome “zombie-like” attacks fueled by the drug “bath salts” came up. And he said:

 “As a purveyor of beautiful bath salts, I have to think, ‘Is this something else for me to worry about?'”

I tried to explain that the drug in question was not made of actual bath salts and that people were using the term with quotation marks around it, and he came back with:

“Zombies are not scrupulous in their use of quotation marks, Karen.”

 And those are words to live by. 

The Ultimate Sunday Night Conversation

My friend was talking about a store meeting he gave and described his staff’s reaction (ranging from support to “reverence” to frustration to anger, apparently) and announced,

“I’m the Kim Jong Il of social stationers.”

I’m pretty sure I don’t need to call him ever again because I don’t think he’s ever going to top that line.