“Martha Stewarting”

A few years ago I wrote about how much I love Martha Stewart and said this: “When I mention I’m a fan, most people respond with, ‘She went to jail,’ like it might be news to me or make me recycle those magazine back issues.”

I chalked that up to people not being true fans like I was, or not knowing about everything else she did because the jail time got so much coverage. But this article finally sums up why that response bothers me so much: The Martha Stewarting of Powerful Women: How society disproportionately demonizes women after they’ve bent the same rules that men have always broken.

The entire article, by Ann Foster, is fire–going from Martha to Joan of Arc (!) and beyond–but this pretty much sums up the problem:

For a man to fail as a king, president, or CEO through wrongdoings is so commonplace as to be insignificant; in fact, the patriarchal system supports these men as they fall, leaving doors open for them to regain their former level of power. For a woman to ascend to these roles is novel enough, rare enough, that when they display the same fallibility or criminal activity, they dominate the news cycle for months. This when we reach peak Martha Stewarting: the particular schadenfreude expressed at the public shaming of powerful women behaving badly; the way that women who misbehave are treated as representatives for the entire gender and shamed far more than men would be for the same actions.

Buy It Or Make It? Statement Dress

You could buy this J. Crew dress for $248 (! – it’s not even silk!)

Or you could score this cotton gauze from JoAnn on sale for $8/ yard…

…combine it with this McCalls 7925 pattern (you could shorten the skirt tiers by half and remove the skirt placket for an even closer match)….

…and boom–you’ve saved at least $200. (Yes, I bought this fabric.)

Ups And Downs (And AXES)

I had another unexpected ride on the griefcoaster this weekend–I started shopping for a new sewing machine Friday night and all I wanted was to ask my mom’s advice.

Luckily, my friend had a party Saturday night to celebrate quitting a job that wasn’t working for her. It included axe (well, tomahawk) throwing and I finally got to try that and let me tell you, it’s as cathartic as I expected it to be:

That is my handiwork in that photo–the only time I managed to stick one in the target, but I’m hooked. The whole time I was practicing, I kept thinking about that essay I linked in October, “An Axe For The Frozen Sea“:

I’m interested in the linguistic distinction between tool and weapon. One intended for making; the other, violence. The axe is the longest-used tool in human history, dating to the Paleolithic era. It’s also most certainly a weapon: Lizzie Borden, Trotsky, and the Villisca Axe Murders, to name a few, and Jack Nicholson in the last half of The Shining. 

“You too have your tools,” wrote Kafka in a passage about fear, and I thought of that line whenever I was scared: I will get through this. I can talk to friends, write about it. Years later, I came across a different translation of the same text: “You too have your weapons.” That seemingly simple switch changed the entirety of my inner dialogue: I will defend myself, I will fuck you up, come and get me, fear.

Come and get me, grief. We’ve got axes to throw.

Friday Links

1. I felt personally attacked by this article about creatives dressing alike (sewing helps with looking the same, but, um, I do look at fashion at work):

During the day when I’d walk through the office on my way to the kitchen for a snack, I’d peek at people’s computers and at any given time, about a third of my coworkers were shopping for clothes. It seemed to me that people worked in order to buy clothes that they wore to work, where they sat and bought more clothes.

2. Speaking of clothes, here’s some tips on how to assess the quality of a garment, to ensure that what you’re buying will last.

3. Oh no!

 

Tomato Poem

Suddenly it’s (almost) August and the heat that we missed for most of the spring has been here all month. My tomatoes are ripening in their patio pots so I thought of this poem:

Cherry Tomatoes
by Anne Higgins

Suddenly it is August again, so hot,
breathless heat.
I sit on the ground
in the garden of Carmel,
picking ripe cherry tomatoes
and eating them.
They are so ripe that the skin is split,
so warm and sweet
from the attentions of the sun,
the juice bursts in my mouth,
an ecstatic taste,
and I feel that I am in the mouth of summer,
sloshing in the saliva of August.
Hummingbirds halo me there,
in the great green silence,
and my own bursting heart
splits me with life.

The Crane Wife

(Very) tangentially related to the fabulous crane print fabric on yesterday’s wedding guest dress, here is a gorgeous essay by CJ Hauser titled “The Crane Wife.” It is just exquisite: talking about her broken engagement, what it means to want something, endangered cranes, even bad almost-mother-in-laws.

I had arrived in my thirties believing that to need things from others made you weak. I think this is true for lots of people but I think it is especially true for women. When men desire things they are “passionate.” When they feel they have not received something they need they are “deprived,” or even “emasculated,” and given permission for all sorts of behavior. But when a woman needs she is needy. She is meant to contain within her own self everything necessary to be happy.

That I wanted someone to articulate that they loved me, that they saw me, was a personal failing and I tried to overcome it.

(I’ve been going to therapy once a week for ten months now–but there are still moments, regularly, when I am gently reminded by my therapist that humans evolved to need other humans. Being “needy” isn’t bad; it’s normal)

Tuesday Project Roundup: Suddenly, A Dress

I was invited to a coworker’s wedding that would be taking place in a fancy distillery in the mountains. A week before the wedding, I looked through my closet and picked out two options and was going to narrow them down when I ended up at the new JoAnn location in my neighborhood* and I saw this:

Green fabric with a crane print

Reader, I immediately decided to make a dress out of it–despite the fact that I had exactly one week in which to do so, despite the fact that I had two perfectly fine outfits to wear, despite the fact that I hadn’t made or worn a dress since 2016. I didn’t care; I couldn’t shake the idea of THAT print in a ruffly prairie style dress, worn with ankle boots.

So I did it! It was such a throwback experience at that nice JoAnn, too: I found the fabric (a polyester crepe), then walked back to the pattern books and looked at some options, then made a decision based on what was in stock and seemed the fastest to make. No reading indie pattern reviews, no scrolling through Instagram tags to see how the pattern looked, no ordering fabric online–it was just like I was a little girl again planning out a new dress with my mom in one visit.

The winning pattern was Butterick 6677. It was simple but the narrow hems on those sleeve ruffles took a lot of time.

A selfie of a woman in a green dress

My only change was to shorten both the skirt piece and the ruffle by two inches, to better show off ankle boots.

A woman in a green dress in front of mountains
Forgive the weird crop, but I didn’t know if my new wedding friend wanted to be all over the internet.

The only way I was able to get this done in seven days was Doc: He stepped up to take over pretty much most of the house stuff and didn’t mind when I disappeared upstairs to sew for an hour or two after dinner every night.

I loved wearing my dress and the bride (who knew what I was planning) was so impressed I got it done. Now I’m suddenly all about full, gathered dresses: I just bought a ruffler foot for my machine off eBay to make more.

 

*The newest JoAnn store designs are SO nice, and they’ve really upped their garment fabric selection. Well done, JoAnn.

Take Your Kids To Work Day

We’ve had hawks living in the neighborhood for a few years now and this week they’re teaching their two kids how to hunt. There’s a lot of flapping and frustrated scree! (and all the pigeons are hiding) but Mom and Dad will make sure they don’t starve.

I wish I had gotten a picture of the kids–their legs are still super feathery so it looks like they’re wearing lil hawk pants.