If you were a teenager in the mid- to late 90s, you will remember The Gap’s line of fragrances and body oils. Which is why “What Your Gap Fragrance Says About You” is such a delight, both for the nostalgia and the hilariously reductive summing up of the original scents. Also, it’s pretty accurate–I really liked “Grass” back when I thought I was buying “eight dollars worth of identity security,” and while I don’t have an Etsy iPhone cover, I was scared of both patchouli and department store salesladies and totally dabbled in Gender Studies.
To wit:
Smelling Notes: Freshly cut grass + slight hint of Pine-Sol.
Type of Girl: The aspiring hippie too scared of patchouli; the tomboy whose family keeps putting it in her Christmas stocking; the girl so afraid of the saleslady in the bra department that she keeps wearing cotton Jockey sports bras.
The Vibe: You understand fully that no one ever really wants to smell like grass, which is precisely why you buy it.
The Future: Small liberal arts college; dabblings in Gender Studies; organic seed catalogs; Etsy iPhone covers. There’s a decent chance you never bought another item at the Gap again.
April 1, 2015 @ 9:52 am
I feel so left out. Partly because I am older than this, and partly because I was none of those girls.
In the early 90s I thought Birkenstocks were the finest shoes money could buy and I pined for a ‘high end’ Eagle Creek back-back instead of my budget Jansport version. My investment in beauty products was a monthly henna treatment on my butt-length hair — but I associated patchouli with people who didn’t shower regularly. By the late 90s I figured out that no one was going to hire me until I cut my hair and toss the prairie skirts. I lost the 80 extra pounds I was hiding under those skirts, took up swing dancing, donated the copy of JitterBug Perfume that I never read, and secretly hoped that I would be invited to more meetings — and thus be validated as high-value employee. Fast forward 25 years… and I wish people would stop. inviting. me. to. meetings. Please.